Red Flags and Warning Signs
- Controlling and Manipulative Behavior
- Unpredictable Mood Swings
- Isolates you from family and friends
- Uses force to get what they want
- Verbally abusive – constant put-downs, name calling, etc.
- Threatens violence to you, family members, pets and/or others
- Jealousy – need for “ownership”
- Tries to “protect you” from outside forces
- History of a violent past or keeps a “mysterious” background
- Embarrasses you in public
- Emotionally abusive – controls your self-esteem, creates self-doubt
The Cycle of Abuse within the Relationship
There is a common pattern that develops within abusive relationships. Often the victims dated or knew their abusers for less than six months before they married, became engaged or lived together. Abusers can overpower their victims by pressuring them to commit to a relationship prematurely. They conceal their violent personalities at first, but their anger will eventually be unleashed on unprepared victims. The sooner victims identify their abusers and leave, the better opportunity they have to escape serious physical and psychological harm. There are four basic phases in abusive relationships:
Tension Building:
this phase can last for months or years before the first “incident” occurs. Communication begins to breakdown and pieces of the relationship gradually become unhealthy. The victim begins to placate the abuser and justify behaviors that weren’t present in the initial dating phase.
Incident:
something “out of the ordinary” happens, usually involving arguing, blaming, anger, threats and intimidation. As the cycle repeats itself, this stage increases in severity and can escalate at an accelerated rate.
Reconciliation:
also called the “Honeymoon” phase, the abuser apologizes and the victim forgives. This phase becomes shorter as the cycle repeats. Abusers will begin reach reconciliation by giving excuses, blaming the victim or denying that the abuse ever happened. Victims accept the blame and find ways to justify the behavior.
Calm:
the incident is “forgotten” and the relationship continues as it once did in a relatively “normal” state. This phase also gets shorter as the cycle repeats along with the tension building phase which follows.